brother.

brother, i hope you can still love me.

even though i barely recognise myself anymore.

even though i’m buried so deep in muck i can 

feel it seep into my bones and 

i cannot breathe, brother.

my brains are clawing

my heart out

and i 

cannot

stop it.

i have no energy to even try.

somewhere, i might be the same carefree kid who

took silly videos of you and 

wrestled you in the living room.

i don’t want to be grown up

and so terrible at it.

i don’t want to be so far away from you.

i’ve let you down brother.

i’ve marred that perfect, smiling picture of us

on the mantlepiece. 

can you forgive me?

brother, i hate myself;

do you think you can

still

love me?