homesick

sick

of being homesick

like home is a vortex 

inside me that keeps

sucking me in deeper and deeper

till everything i see and touch

feels like a tacky movie set and

people are beautiful

scary mannequins and i just want to 

run and hide and find home again but home is a concept so 

real and huge yet somehow imagined;

the only world i understand really.

childhood was home and it is gone

my parents are home and i hardly see them-

so home is a feeling i'm sick of feeling for,

searching for, yearning for but

not feeling

and if this is my world then i fear

home is lost forever.

my world is a tacky movie set 

and i am just a 

mannequin.